Tuesday, March 6, 2007

What's all the Big Stink about?

"You know that's weird," I muttered as The Missus shook her head.
"What's weird?" she said.
That's when I blurted out the latest headlines: The Big Stink. The Big Soak. The Dead Birds. The Big Bang.
Since we were married by Captain Noah on his boat, it didn't shock her that I still speak in headlines, being the very first editor of the Mount Ararat Times.
"So what's this all about?" she asked in an even tone.
"Oh, nuthin much, but for a slow news day, all heck is breaking loose."
And that's when I filled her in about the smell that had been wafting over the Big Apple. It seems a stink akin to rotten eggs drifted from a northern New Jersey swamp and raised such a commotion that sophisticated New Yawkers thought there was going to be another 9/11.
One man, Alfred Stewart, told the New York Post, "That smell was stinking. It smelled, like, toxic. If you stayed in it and held it enough, you probably would have gotten dizzy from it."
"Like your rotten feet," The Missus interjected, so slyly.
Then I moved to the second series of headlines: The Big Soak.
On the 'Wet Coast' it's been raining and raining. In fact, CTV's Todd Battis told viewers that B.C. is chasing last January's rainfall of 28 days, which was one short of the all-time mark.
"It rained for 28 days, stopped for half a day, and then rained for another 14," said Battis.
Although, I have a sure fire way of telling when bad weather is about to hit -- aching bones -- the weather experts apparently claim heavy rain and warm temperatures cause something called the "Pineapple Express."
However, that wet stuff will move inland and the snow will reach upwards of 20 cm. Now, if I could only figure out how many inches that is.
Closer to Vernon, it's reported the Trans-Canada Highway in the Revelstoke-Golden area is closed, being blocked by an avalanche. "Traffic was being re-routed from the Trans-Canada to Highway 93," according to the CTV report.
"So what's this about dead birds?" The Missus asked.
"Well, it's just a part of the weirdness," I said, telling her about the dozens of birds that were lying along 10 blocks in Austin, Texas. In fact, there were 63 pigeons, sparrows and grackles (large, noisy blackbirds) found and, at press time, there was no reason for their demise, although the terrorism-response plan was ordered into effect.
The strangest part of the so-called "threat" was that it was in front of the state Capitol buildings
"So what about the Big Bang?" The Missus asked.
"Well, that's what happened down in Montserrat and it shot a cloud of ash more than five miles into the sky."
Dr. Vicky Hards, director of the Montserrat Volcano Observatory, said: "I think it was a warning call ... of what it can do."
In 1997, the volcano destroyed Monserrat's capital of Plymouth, killing 19 people.
SOME AFTERTHOUGHTS: Are you (football) bowled out? It all started with (BillyBobs Winery and Flowery Shop?) Poinsettia Bowl, in which something called the TCU Horned Frogs won and swept into others, complete with accompanying sponsors, such as the Las Vegas Bowl, New Orleans, Papajohns. com, New Mexico, Armed Forces (formerly the Fort Worth Bowl), Hawaii, Motor City, Emerald, Independence, Holiday, Texas (formerly the Houston Bowl), Music City, Sun, Liberty, Insight, Champs Sports, Meineke Car Care, Alamo, Chick-fil-A (formerly the Peach Bowl).
Is that it, Corbett? No, there's more: The MPC Computers Bowl, Outback, Cotton, Gator, Capital One, Rose, Fiesta, Orange, Sugar, International (in Toronto), GMAC, and, finally, the BCS National Championship.
FINALLY: Of course, I can't forget about the pros, for as Dave Barry once wrote: "Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent." We'll see if that's true when Seattle plays Da Bears this Sunday.

1 comment:

Secret Rapture said...

My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions! The Secret Rapture soon, by my hand!
Read My Inaugural Address
My Site=http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman
Your jaw will drop!

Editor Corbett

Editor Corbett