"What should I write about?" It was a standard question for The Missus.
"Well," she says, "you could write about Ken Dryden's No. 29 jersey being retired in Montreal. After all we both knew his father."
I nodded my head, remembering the great humanitarian, Murray Dryden, who passed away in 2004.
"Then, there's the dire situation over in Israel," she continued.
Of course, I'd lived in Israel and had heard about the most recent bombing down in the resort town of Eilat.
"Aw, everyone's written about that," I muttered.
"I've got it. What about those useless facts you're always spouting?"
"That's it," I yelped. "Mr. Useless at your service."
And then I started to ramble on as The Missus "pretended" to pay attention, but then I noticed her eyes were closing.
"Hey, wake up, did you know a snail can sleep for three years."
She was enthralled by my knowledge. Actually, she was speechless.
And so I continued on with these facts, which could be used at your next party. Some came courtesy of Precision Mold Base out of Tempe, Arizona and others were drifting around in the ether when I caught up to them:
* The original game of "Monopoly" was circular.
* The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the English language.
* More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
* Birds do not sleep in their nests. They may occasionally nap in them, but they actually sleep in other places.
* Caesar salad has nothing to do with any Caesar. It was first concocted in a bar in Tijuana, Mexico, in the 1920's.
* Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.
* Underground is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters "und."
* The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
* Only 1/3 of the people that can twitch their ears can twitch only one at a time.
* Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.
* The A&W of root beer fame stands for Allen and Wright.
* Bingo is the name of the dog on the Cracker Jack box.
* Elton John's real name is Reginald Dwight.
* Stalin was only five feet, four inches tall.
* The only planet without a ring is earth.
* A group of unicorns is called a blessing.
* Twelve or more cows are known as a "flink."
* A group of frogs is called an army.
* A group of owls is called a parliament.
* Roy Rogers name was Leonard Slye and Dale Evans was Frances Octavia Smith.
* Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
* The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it only says there were three gifts.
"Where does it say that?" The Missus interjected.
"I'll look it up later," I replied.
"Do you want to hear more," I asked.
"Sure," was her only answer.
Then I proceeded to ramble on about more "useless facts."
* U.S. President Teddy Roosevelt was the first to announce to the world that Maxwell House coffee is "Good to the last drop."
* Julius Caesar was self-conscious about his receding hairline.
* The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
* Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
* Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, was home to Rocky and Bullwinkle.
* Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
* The most common letters in the English language are R S T L N E. Sound familiar? Watch an episode of 'Wheel of Fortune.'
"Did you know that, sweetheart?"
There was no reply.
I swear, if I didn't know better, The Missus has just dozed off ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.